and might i add

that this is my life the next 36 hours:

it's 11 pm right now. i have a take home final for one grad school class and writing new pieces into a case study for the other grad school class. both are due after school tomorrow. neither is finished.

after school (the last full day, might i add ...), i come home and shower fast and put on "semi-formal" clothes to go to grad school class then straight to some tfa thing that will last a while.

then i come home, load up the car, and crash with a carful of people in my apartment only to wake up around 4 or so tomorrow to drive to way way way upstate new york for robby's wedding and CAMPING(!) saturday night.

i just want to get to 3:19 tomorrow without dying :) and then i will be the happiest (and tiredest) lady alive.

i should say

that i am actually really really sad in *some* ways about the end of the school year. i mean, how on earth will i go a couple months without so much as even seeing my babies? these precious things.

one of them left school in the middle of the day today and probably won't come back again. he gave me a big hug when he left and said in his sweet sweet voice that he would miss me. i got all teary eyed.

booo.

And then there were none

That's what I feel like the next few days will be like at school.

Slowly they either get suspended or get in enough trouble that Mom keeps them home.

And then there was one ...

And then there were none ...

Now Playing, Thursday, June 15

8:40 - 9:00 Doors open. General Admission* Seating

9:00 - 10:40 am "The Princess Bride"

11:00 - 11:30 am Lunch

11:45 - 1:00 pm "Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" Act I

1:00-1:42 pm Intermission for Gym Class

2:00 - 2:50 pm "Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" Act II

2:50 - 3:19 pm Dismissal

******
* General Admission = Anyone from any class who feels like stopping in

the last week

so here we are, in my classroom, all blessed week long.

monday, we managed to stay minorly busy with small tasks. it still sort of felt like any other monday.

tuesday, my class was adamantly opposed to doing any kind of work whatsoever. okay, fine, i understand. we are like the only room in the building not watching a movie today. i get it. i got a couple kids to clean out one cabinet, turned on the computer and got out some popsicle sticks for craft time (seriously).

today, no one could handle it any more. three of my 11 were suspended (two of them for assaulting another teacher. long terrible story), and one's mom came to pick him up early, saying that she'd probably bring him back sometime but pick him up early again. hilarious. we had a veritable photo shoot when i got out my camera this morning - lasted about a half hour. we painted picture frames, we played more computer, and i cleaned a lot. and gave back everything in my room that's not mine (except the computer). so bye bye great little blocks the kids loved, bye to the math cds, bye to the many many books we hardly ever used. very few things will be missed.

tomorrow, the teacher next door will be absent. i have procured a tv and dvd player. i am bringing every movie i have that could possibly be of interest to 11 year olds.

friday, i'm hoping no one shows up. but seeing as they think i'm throwing a party (i *never* said such a thing), i think they all will come. water ice and pizza, here we come. sometimes i feel like my classroom is a big drain of money. if i buy something, it either gets broken or eaten. or thrown out the window.

end of the year

a haiku about the end of the year:

i can't believe it
summer break is in six days
i'll be normal soon

field day #2

these are some of my students, the most precious kids in the whole world.

field day #1

we had field day this week. my class got two days because we were "helping" (ms. matthews needed to bring her car to the field with equipment, basically).

so on wednesday (a rainy, yucky day), we went with the 3rd and 4th floors, which was okay. a day out of the classroom - who cares where we are or what we're doing ... but i don't know the teachers on those floors quite as well, and then there was quite the incident at the end of the day.

rumor has it that one kid had a gun there ... don't know how substantiated that is ... but i do know that a teacher got punched in the face by a mother who provoked her son into a fight (the teacher grabbed the other boy out of it). sweet.

but they still let us go the next day. i think the administration just wanted us out of the building.

the new kid

still seems new because i have barely had a conversation with him. today, he didn't come into my classroom (lingered in the hall, yes) until the end of the day ... and had the audacity to ask me if i was really going to call his mom and tell her how he was because he doesn't want to be on punishment.

should've thought of that this morning kiddo.

bless

the last few weeks have FLOWN by. the kids have been relatively chill, we've done some work ... and now, we just have FIVE full days of school (plus two half days but those don't really count) left. oh glory.

i have survived.

but ...

on the sick day, i got a call at about 4:30 from a fellow teacher who felt like she should fill me in on what had happened in my class at the end of the day.

i still don't have all the details, but it involved a toy - but VERY real looking - gun (i saw it), threats, a suspension, parents up at the school ... who then blamed me for some IEP non-compliance business. total garbage, but still, so annoying. this parent says she has asked me "multiple times" to redo her son's IEP and place him in a more restrictive environment. umm, she has never called me. not once. stopped up at school once to pick him up when he got arrested, which resulted in his father coming into my classroom and telling (yelling) the whole class that he would F* them and their parents the f* up if they f*ing messed with his son anymore.

yep. my fault. yeah right.

sick day 2

i didn't go to school on monday. i had sore muscles (from alllll the strenuous exercise i've been doing lately. um, wait. well ... anyway) and could literally not get out of bed.

on tuesday, my kids told me ALL day long about how much fun they had - why couldn't i be sick again, why don't we have free time all day, why don't we watch movies??????

they watched a movie called "nightmare on drug street." they said it taught them not to use drugs. and then they asked if they could watch it again. i asked them to tell me why they shouldn't use drugs. they gave me some good reasons, and so i concluded, sounds like you learned what you needed from that movie. i don't think you need to watch it again. they flipped out.

geez louise. who knew that me taking a day off would be so great for all of us?

the gameboy

the gameboy belonged to one of my girls (the one who calls me matthew - who also knows all the 10 commandments).

when she realized it was gone, she was upset, but more indignant that someone had the audacity to steal something. she kept saying, it won't be my problem when God judges them for bein' a thief. he says not to steal and you disobey well then you just gonna burn and if you wanna do that then that's your problem and it's just a gameboy why would you want to disobey God just for a gameboy ... (and on and on, rambling for, oh 20 minutes or so)

i told her i really appreciated her attitude about it.

new kid

i have a new kid in my class. this is his second week. he hasn't stayed in the classroom for longer than 20 minutes at any given time. he hasn't done any work, and the first words he used toward me were curse words. special.

he got kicked out of his other school for stealing, i think.

since he's been in our classroom, a calculator and a gameboy have gone missing.

awesome.

i love

days when it is just quiet and chill in my classroom.

today, 2 kids were suspended, 1 was absent, 1 ran around in the halls all day, and 1 was next door in another class all day.

that means 5 kids, all day long. we just hung out ... read together, did some math, played some games, set up a science experiment (sprouting seeds) ... just fun.

the countdown

man oh man. we are well under one month away from the end of school.

16 full days, 2 half days of school left. glory glory.

mmm.

hail is falling now
blue-yellow, our sky seems green
i love these spring dusks

(my haiku about the weather)

sigh part II

big big big ol' fight today. lasted off and on for the last 40 minutes of the day. two boys in my class at each others' throats, over nothing. just some rude-ish words exchanged, and then their tempers took over.

in the course of the fighting, another student threw a chair at a TSS worker, who is pressing charges - the student left school in handcuffs today.

absolutely unbelievable.

sigh.

today i got a new kid. he got kicked out of his other school for his "sticky fingers."

he knows all the boys in my class from elementary school and is as rowdy as they are.

man oh man.

black eye

kid had a black eye today.

another kid asked him who hit him.

his answer: my dad.

i asked him later and he told me "i got in a fight and got beat up."

with your dad?

why did i wait?

i've been considering moving my desk from the back to the front of the room since, um, october? yes, since october. never got around to doing it, until last friday, when, with only 7 kids, we chilled out for a lot of the day. they wanted to rearrange the room, so my compromise was that i'd "let" them move my desk to the location to which i have been wanting to move it anyway.

i feel like it's a whole new classroom. i LOVE sitting at my desk (something i haven't done all year because i had to push the desk against the wall about the 4th week of school because the kids kept stealing stuff from it). it is so great.

mummies

by the way - we made paper mache mummies on friday.

i thought that was worth mentioning. we used hugs containers (those nasty kid juices in plastic barrels), scrunched 'em up real good, and went to town with paste and newspaper strips. then we did the last few layers in paper towel, all the while talking about natron and embalming.

one girl had to go sit in the back, she was grossed out by the paste. really thought she was for sure going to puke.

but everyone else LOVED it.

reasons

oh, but one of the reasons for today's marvelous-ness is ... 3 kids absent.

and by absent, i mean suspended.

planning

planning really makes a difference. last night i decided at about 11 that i should be a good teacher today and actually plan some good things for the kids to do. so i did.

and it was lovely. one of the students even said, wow, ms. matthews decided to get real real good at the end of the year. why'd you wait? i said, why'd you wait so long to behave? (he still is not all that well-behaved).

we even did a science experiment (literally the second of the year. oops.)!

sunday afternoon ...

trips to the museum.

wow.

a few apologies are in order:
1. to the penn museum staff member who had to pull one of my students off of an exhibit.
3. to the other museum visitors if you were trying to concentrate on an exhibit.
4. to all the random people student #3 kept saying things to as we walked down locust walk and baltimore avenue (can i have a drink? can i play? are you racing (to bikers) - who's winning? ... and on and on)

and many thanks:
1. to my four students who came.
2. to my precious gal who brought her mom, cousin, brother and sister. and who fell asleep at one point on a bench. and who still calls me matthew. i love that girl.
3. to sally, allison, reid, and kates who came and saved me from having to be the only adult in charge of the kids. AND for pairing up with the boys one on one to take them around the museum. seriously saved my life there, friends. not kidding when i say i don't know what i would have done without you.
4. to the egyptians who chose to preserve their dead in such a fascinating way.

remember when

i looked out the window one winter morning before school and i saw one of my students (the one who calls me matthew). she waved to me and yelled for me to watch. she took a big flat cafeteria crate and "sledded" down the concrete steps on the side of the school. i only watched for a few rounds but she kept at it for 15 minutes or so.

i want to remember that moment.

makes me want to

argh. at the end of the school day, the principal announced (in a mean, you're in trouble tone) "all teachers who took their classes outside today, report to my office immediately."

a few of my kids still in the room after having just returned from ... outside (uh oh) groaned and (of course) immediately started "ms. matthews! aahh! you're in trouble."

i go down to the office and got reamed along w/ a few others for taking my kids outside. "this is a middle school. we do not have recess - " over and over and over. the principal was so unbelievably rude.

it's the most absurd thing ever. i have 11 year olds in my class who might as well be 6. recess is the only thing that gets us through some days because we won't go outside unless we have finished all of our work. it was one of the only redeeming things about the rest of the school year - that i can count on the weather enough to plan to go outside often.

i am really sad. it makes me want to take my kids on a "nature walk" (an alternative that, with administrative approval, would be acceptable ... but i have no desire to lead my kids around on the sidewalk. i want them to play.) and be gone ALL day.

the last few days

complete washes as far as anything academic goes. we haven't done ANYTHING.

wednesday: a fashion show assembly that was supposed to be about african pride/awareness ... yet every outfit was just a hoochied version of something the kids already wear. lasted over an hour.

yesterday: make decorations for special ed. assembly. read a short story. start math lesson. do about 5 problems. hang up decorations. lunch. outburst jr. with 3 kids (the rest were all over the place). open house/assembly (parents came), where each class had a performance (ours was a little langston hughes poetry - my 'actor' memorized and recited. quite a good job, he did). play outside. go to gym/art/music.

today: only had half my class. silent reading. lunch. everyone ran out or was taking benchmark tests, so i read to one girl while 2 boys played a game. music. computer. early dismissal - 12:19.

:)

long past

remember my kid who auditioned for a play at his community center?

he got a part ... as a dope fiend (spelling?).

he was happy about getting the part, but thought it was pretty lame that he had to play a dope fiend. he said, "ms. matthews, you see, i'm not tryin' to be like that."

so he went and talked to the guys in charge. they gave him a new part -

a banker.

he did a little dance when he told me the news.

a dream deferred

what happens to a dream deferred?

does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
or fester like a sore-
and then run?
does it stink like rotten meat?
or crust and sugar over-
like a syrupy sweet?

maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

or does it explode?

vvvvvvvvv...

thwap!! swosh gurgle gurgle ...

that was the sound that the 20 oz soda made as it flew through the window above my door, hit my foot, and gushed all over the floor.

mondays

my kids all had a case of the mondays today. until after lunch, when we spent an hour and a half doing silent reading and writing. WHAT?! i usually can't pull 20 minutes out of that. it was incredible. looks like math and reading times are switching places.

how much is a million?

did i mention that one of my high school projects has successfully infiltrated my classroom? two copies of a children's book i wrote my senior year (i opted not to write a zillion poems for a portfolio. the thought still sort of makes me cringe inside ...) made it into the boxes of books i brought from home.

it surfaced sometime at the beginning of the year, and i am not exaggerating when i say that on any given day, that book is sitting on someone's desk. today someone was reading it instead of doing math ... and when i changed his card for not doing work, he got so upset because 1. it's YOUR book ms. matthews! how you gonna get mad about that? and 2. it has so many numbers in it already! it's just like doing math. i told him that writing a book like it could count as a math assignment ... but until he learns enough math for that, good luck. (was that mean?)

sometimes it reallllllly makes me miss my little brother to see kids reading it and enjoying it (i wrote it for him). i remember on his birthday, someone was reading it and then they asked about david since his name's in the book. i got all teary-eyed and could barely answer.

awww, you say ... yeah well, i'm just a sentimental lady when it comes to these things.

the absentees

Two of my students were absent today. But I didn't miss them too much, because one called at about 10 am to see who was in school (so he knew whose house he could go over to? i'm not sure). another student answered the room phone when he called, and they handed it to me and said, um, ms. matthews, it's **. why is he calling you?

he has called me through the school before, no big surprise, but still funny.

and the other one, at 3:10, comes bouncing into the classroom.

um, buddy, whatcha doin' here?
- oh, my mom sent me to the store, but i wanted to come up and say hi and get my tokens.
why weren't you in school today?
- uh, i don't know. just didn't come. i stayed home and played.
well it's good to see you. let me give you your homework. so glad you stopped by!
- ah!!!! ms. matttttheeeewwwwwwsssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hilarious. what kid skips school but stops by 10 minutes before it's over to say hi?

follow-up

after school i pulled one of my kids aside who had been asking a lot of the questions, answering many of them too. he's the one with whom i've had spiritual conversations before (same kid who loves shawn mcdonald and STILL sings one song about every day). a couple other kids were waiting for him so they hung around. he had been answering a lot of other kids' questions, but with lots of what you have to 'do' to get to heaven. so for 2 or 3 minutes i explained things a little more clearly. when i finished, one of the other kids exclaimed, wow ms. matthews that was a good speech. well no, but the information most certainly is.

captivating

the neatest thing, though, about the conversation, was that all day i couldn't get them to listen to me for my life. they were antsy and silly and talkative. and this conversation started and all of a sudden, all of the talking was (gasp!) on topic. everyone was clamoring to be heard. they were all leaning forward, no heads down, raising their hands - no, waving their hands, listening to every comment i made, all eyes and ears to see what everyone else was saying.

they were totally captivated, for the first time in a long time.

not surprising, He's like that :)

conversation

this saturday is earth day, so we're spending the week in science learning about it.

one of the first questions anyone had about the earth was "who made it?". not wanting to be too ... whatever, i asked the class to share their thoughts. the resounding answer, um god did, of *course*. okay, well, then who made god? oh geez. i told them that the bible says that god has always existed and will always exist, no one made him, he made everything. and then well, who made the devil? two of the students wove together a little, fairly accurate, narrative about the devil's fall, which ended with the devil in hell where "all you bad people gonna go and you be burnin forever and the devil's all around you and you be screamin but no one cares and you're there forever".

then the question was, how do you avoid that? i let the kids have a go at that one, and we got lots of 'be good and behave in school' (believe it or not, not the answer i was looking for ... :)), love was in there somewhere, respect and kindness, follow the 10 'rules' that god gave to moses (which were all listed by one student - i was impressed), follow god, love god, worship god, do the right thing ...

i ended the classroom discussion with telling them that it matters more what you believe about god than what you do, reminded them why they all celebrated easter yesterday, and said, i think sort of quickly (dah), so believing in jesus is where it's at. let's go to recess. you guys just made your own social studies lesson.

mythbusters

last monday, i had to buy my class pizza because they earned a certain number of behavior points.

i wanted them to have something to do besides just eat pizza, so i looked through my "best of the discovery channel" dvds (thanks mom).

the 3 pilot episodes of the show "mythbusters" were on one dvd, and i started watching sunday night ...

episode 1 started with the myth that if you flush an airplane toilet while sitting on it, you could get suctioned helplessly to the seat. i watched some of it and thought it was hilarious, and plus, it's about butts, so, what's not to like for a 6th grader?

they thought it was SO dumb. "ms. matthews, this [is] corny!"

oh well. it was a nice try. i wonder if they'll like the documentary about nefertiti better.

disclaimer

the walls look - and are - exceedingly bare not because i may be a terrible teacher, but because we just finished PSSAs and were required to take down all instructional materials ... we used to have a word wall, times tables, math facts, science information, a government poster, prefixes, suffixes, things to do as we read ...

see, i'm not a total slacker.

isn't room 201 a cute little place?!

oh, and yes, there are 2 tvs in there. i had one, but then i needed one to which i could hook up my dvd player, so found another one ...

need to give *both* of them back :)

Room 201!

second chances

he was here today. my student who i thought would be in the detention center by now.

his mom is giving him a second chance.

she is accompanying him on our field trip tomorrow.

i was so happy to see him today. somehow he was not so grateful and was still out of control.

new template

i haven't quite decided if i like this. it's a little busy, but the other one was a little boring.

i tried a green one which i thought would be nice. turns out it was NEON. whew!

what do you think?

circus friday

we are going to the univerSOUL circus (haahaha). it's a multicultural circus.

should be ultra fun.

the day before spring break is the perfect time for a field trip. mmm. can't wait to get out of the building.

fires

in the last two weeks, i've seen at least 5 houses on the way to school freshly burned out.

yesterday on the way home, there was a huge fire in one house, just having been put out as i drove by.

crazy things goin' on here ...

heartache

one of my kids burned up the lot behind his house, catching a couple houses on fire in the process (see accident #1).

last week, the courts put him on house arrest (as opposed to juvi-)

his 'mom' (actually his aunt ... mom is strung out somewhere) has told me a few times in the last couple weeks that she is really having a hard time dealing with him and doesn't know how much longer she can take it.

all this week, he's been a walking disaster. today i had to call home, after giving him probably 25 warnings (ie. "you know it will be bad if i call your house. i would really like to not have to. start making some good decisions.").

his mom said, i can't do this anymore, i'm calling the courts and having him taken away. i just can't do it. i'm sorry you have to be involved in this ...

she came and got him in the middle of the school day.

what if he doesn't come back to school tomorrow? or the next day? sigh.

chocolate mocha ice cream

last friday, a random woman shows up in my room with the assistant principal. she introduces us and then informs me that this woman is going to be my classroom assistant.

say what??!

it sounds good, but it's like chocolate mocha ice cream - chocolate part is great, the mocha part makes me cringe and therefore i don't like the whole thing.

she wants to grade papers ... ummm ... i don't really have that many to grade.

she wants to cut things out for me ... ummm ... i am not planned quite so far ahead.

she wants me to give her stuff to work on over spring break ... ummm ... over spring break *i* will be figuring out what is next.

actually, it's really good, because it's going to make me be on the ball.

and she bought a jump rope for my girls to use during recess (okay, i jumped some too. they thought that was just hilarious).

and it's still ice cream, which is ultimately a good thing no matter what.

oh, and next year

sooo ... our school is cutting 5th graders next year to begin transitioning to a high school.

our budget also got cut in half.

guess which teachers get cut? the ones with no seniority (ie me and all my little TFA buddies).

so, it's not official yet, because it's a little different for Special Ed.

And there is apparently a racial element, so for once in my life, being white will actually help me make a place diverse. Interesting concept.

Chances are good that I'll get to stay, but chances are not as good for some of my beloved colleagues.

By the way, did I just say "get to stay"? Wow.

two random kids

another SpEd teacher was absent on monday. so two of his kids came in my classroom instead of running the halls (good choice boys).

they were so GOOD! it was amazing! i didn't know there were 7th grade boys so considerate and kind.

and then when it was time for them to go to music, they left, and about 5 minutes later, i found them in the hall.

i took one wrist in each hand and walked them arm in arm up to music. we had to walk past a bunch of other 7th grade classes, and they were laughing so hard because they were embarrassed. i told them, you act like kids running the halls, i'm going to treat you like kids and walk you right to the door of your music class.

any of my students would have FLIPPED if i did that. but these guys didn't.

maybe i'll have them next year. :D

american idol

okay, i watch it. whatever.

and i have favorites.

one of my kids watches it and the last few times, his favorite person always is the one who gets eliminated. poor thing.

so after last week's episode, he came in and said, ms. matthews, i'm gonna like mandisa now. i know she's your favorite, but just watch, she's gonna get gone next week. just because i like her. my girls are always goin' down.

blast him!! she was the best one on there and she got kicked off tonight!

boy am i going to hear it tomorrow.

breakfast

during testing, we got boxes with juice and things like pop-tarts or honeybuns to have for breakfast in the classroom. my kids went through withdrawal the days after testing was over.

so last thursday (after one WHOLE day without breakfast in the classroom), they were all talking about how if i just wrote them a note to go to the cafeteria, they could get a box of breakfasts. i was skeptical and annoyed because we were already 25 minutes into the school day. all of a sudden, i looked up and two kids are gone.

15 minutes later, they came back with a box they could hardly carry together. it was FULL of juices and snacks. one of them had written a note (in his chicken scratch writing ...) and the cafeteria ladies bought it ... both my name and breakfast were spelled wrong. and the note said they needed 25 breakfasts.

they are so good at getting what they want. i couldn't do much but laugh.

oh, and on monday, they came back with 30 something pop-tarts. oh bless.

accident #3

fortunately there isn't one, unless you count accepting this job in the first place.

i'm outta stuff, and my head hurts ... will think of more later :)

accident #2

(an actual accident)

last thursday, it was almost the end of the day when i heard a big commotion coming from what sounded like the room below me (which happens to belong to one of my good friends). i started listening carefully then heard an ENORMOUS crashing sound, sounded like metal ... which it was.

i sprinted downstairs to his room and saw his whole class near the window. i heard him on the phone calling 911 and asking for an ambulance ...

a student had left school early (left out, as we say) and was standing on a big metal grate outside my friend's class. he was jumping up and down (trying to reach the window, we think) and the grate, which was made up of a bunch of smaller grates about 2' by 7', gave in beneath him and he fell into the 20' deep concrete well.

i don't think i've ever personally witnessed anything quite so traumatizing. from my classroom window, we could see him down there, bloody and trapped under about 3 or 4 of these huge, heavy things. after about 40 minutes they got him out and in an ambulance. about 2,000 people (student population of our school, the high school, and alllll the neighbors) were crowded in the streets. the emergency vehicles were all over the place, so there were probably more than 10 trolleys lined up in either direction, waiting. helicopters overhead ... an intense situation.

miraculously, he's okay - staples in the head, punctured lungs, and cracked ribs, but nothing that won't get better. whew. scary times.

accident #1

two weeks ago, one of my kids was absent on monday. tuesday he came in with a note from his mom. it said "(his name) was not in school monday because he got lock up." (translate: he was arrested.)

por que? he set his couch (and subsequently his house) on fire. he told me this after school that day. i said, honey how did it happen? was it an accident?

his response: not exactly an accident. i was mad.

i thought accident #1 was a better title than arson ...

PSSAs

we had another PSSA pep rally last week. this week the test started. unfortunately, i have been incapacitated. got really sick on sunday, and monday and tuesday were a complete disaster in school. i should have known not to go tuesday ... but couldn't do it! have some sort of upper respiratory and sinus thing going on. could hardly speak at all ... yesterday (tuesday) i went in an hour late and then couldn't talk. i wrote notes on the board and the kids thought it was funny and weren't particularly well behaved for me. boo.

but (there is always a but), the math section of the test that they took tuesday wasn't too bad for some of them! the two open ended questions were both things that we had talked about and so the problems at least felt familiar to them. :) oh the little things.

good days, bad days

there have been quite a share of both of these in the last three weeks.

one week (the ... second, i think, week of march) was great. we were studying algebraic expressions in the 6th grade math book and one of my 5th graders had a near nervous breakdown because he thought it'd be too hard. by friday, he was the first one finished with the practice problems and we did a little celebration dance together.

on the other hand, the same kid has actually THROWN a chair at another student more than 3 times in the last couple weeks. once we weren't able to intercept it midair and it hit the target, right in the chest. ooof.

long time, no write

sorry to my faithful blog checkers (you know who you are ...). march has been a little crazy. actually, not so much. i've just been lazy. well here goes, to try to update 23 days worth of life with a bunch of kids.

big words ...

one of my kids has been really excited about learning big words lately. i got a pretty advanced vocabulary workbook and gave it to him yesterday. today after school we worked on words like myriad, contagious, appalling, picturesque, and eminent. it was grand.

same kid also told me about when he read the book of Revelation. scared him so bad he slept in his grandmom's bed for a week. i told that's why it's important to read between the beginning and the end. he said not to worry, he knows Jesus.

and he has an audition tomorrow for a play at his community center. his big dream is to move to california and become an actor. early in the day, he told me about it, asked me to pray (and said if he doesn't get a part, he's going to ask me if i talked to the Lord or not and if i didn't he'll be mad) and come to the show if he gets in. after school he told me decided not to do it ... he said "see, i don't deal well with rejection or failure. and i don't want to be rejected and have them tell me i'm not good. see, ms. matthews, i'm half-illiterate and half my brain doesn't work [not true]. in these things, they just give you a script and have you read, and i'll mess up on any big words. ms. matthews i can't do it. i don't wanna be embarrassed. i'm not goin' in there and not getting a part. i'd rather not try out at all."

poor thing. i convinced him that they'd surely let him practice before his audition with the script, that he could use his tape recorder to record someone reading it as he reads along to practice ... told him how tom cruise is dyslexic ...

i reallllly hope he gets a part.

grocery store

there is a kid next door to my classroom who terrorizes me ALL DAY LONG. bangs on the door, climbs through the window above the door, comes in and dances, steals stuff, and lately has been taking one of my more helpless students and locking him in the fire escape.

i was standing in line at the fresh grocer after school yesterday, and i look up and see HIM bagging my groceries. oh my goodness. he greeted me in this sugar-coated-my-manager-is-looking-at-me voice ...

i asked the cashier if he works there. her response (laughing): we can't seem to get rid of him. my response: yeah, me neither.

i guess he's not officially employed there. he's only 11 or 12. he told me today his dad's a manager there, which made me excited. i think i might 'accidentally' run into and have a little chat with his dad next time i'm at the store.

uniform check

today, for the first time all school year, a police officer and assistant principal popped into the classroom and took out all my kids w/ out uniforms on. they were supposed to have in school suspension for the day and then FIVE days suspension (kids don't even get 5 days for throwing bricks through classroom windows ...). Extreme, but hey, we'll take it.

they took 3 of my kids at first, one of whom came back when i gave him a terribly dirty uniform shirt i found balled up in a closet (gross). then 3 others in my class tore off their uniform shirts, stuck them in their bags, and ran out in the hallway w/ their tshirts screaming, 'we're not in uniform, suspend us too! we want 5 days! we want 5 days!"

i shut the door and looked around... 6 kids. GLORY. we all smiled and someone said, ms. matthews, we gonna get lots of work done today.

5 minutes later, the others came back and told me that they were sent back "because we special ed. they said they can't suspend us cause we special ed."

ARGH!

perspective ...

the last few weeks have been rough - especially last week. at one point, i had to get another teacher to come into my classroom so i could take a little walk. i felt like i was either going to explode with screaming or tears.

but, i think i've been letting it get to me a little too much. i want to laugh in the face of adversity, knowing that my Jesus will carry me through. i want to take joy in the fact that He is requiring my reliance on Him in such a real way. i want to be able to see Him in the difficult moments ...

that is hard - but it is a choice. and sometimes it's as simple as just *making* the choice. so, i'm trying to be actively joy-seeking, joyful. we'll see how it goes ... :)

firsts

today i had a first.

first student to wet her pants. in fact, though, i encountered TWO such students today (one mine, one from down the hall).

precious things - same situation to both. couldn't get someone to open the bathroom door, then by the time they got in there, couldn't get the pants off fast enough :(

both are girls in 7th grade. they were so embarrassed.

oops

my mom's been getting on my back about updating this thing. nothing seemed too exciting until today. read on.

gifts for valentine's day:

from one student: a king size snickers and a strage ceramic hand holding clear plastic roses filled with red water and a fake white rose.
from other students: nada.
from my mom: beautiful flowers delivered to school.

precious.

SNOW DAY!

yay :) this is from yesterday with ava. she helped me shovel my car out and we played in my backyard.

dating

i'm deciding what to do for my pretend-almost-boyfriend for valentine's day.

my friend donnie and i work at the same school. people see us hang out and assume there something going on (far from it). it's gotten a little more, um, obvious recently. like, i walk into his classroom and hear whispers of "mr. maley's girlfriend" and questions to me "are you mr. maley's girlfriend?" "ms. matthews, do you like him??"

even the teachers: he walked into a room where there had been a meeting of all the special ed teachers (but i wasn't there anymore) - everyone there responded in unison, without missing a beat, "she's upstairs." laughing, knowing exactly what/who they were talking about, he said, no no, i'm looking for so-and-so.

it's actually convenient. it keeps the tss workers at bay and then neither of us have to answer questions about why we have no love life - questions that come, for me, at least, a few times a week.

psych ...

on friday we had plans to go on a little field trip, to an african american film festival held at a community center close by. we were going to walk and take the bus, see 2 movies on sammy davis, jr. and the harlem globetrotters, and come back. it meant that i had almost nothing to plan for the day, the kids all brought their lunches, and were pretty excited.

we were supposed to meet downstairs at 8:45, at which time i carted my class down there and then stopped by the office to give them the paperwork. i walked in and someone said, did you not hear the announcement the principal just made? (which was, 2nd floor classes planning on going on the trip, stay in your classroom and await further instructions ....)

so, okay, we had to wait a little bit. i thought maybe something semi-dangerous happened outside.

but no. we didn't go. apparently the regional office hadn't looked carefully at the paperwork and when they saw it that morning, they said we couldn't go b/c it's too close to pssas.

well, desks turned in my classroom when the announcement was made. so, for the morning i worked w/ one kid on his writing while everyone else played games on the computer or went to another class to watch a movie. after lunch, we had a couple (educational) movies in our room. after art/music, we went outside for recess for an hour.

to the regional office: when you cancel field trips at the very last minute, you ruin everyone's day and no one gets anything accomplished anyway. in the future, do not do this.

God

a student said to me yesterday, "matthew how come you didn't teach me about this, about God??" - as i look down and see that she's reading a book called wonderful world which i apparently never looked through enough to see that it's about creation (ie genesis). oops. but very cute. and cute that she read it enough to understand that it was about God.

sort-of new student

at the end of last week an asst. principal came in and said, ms. matthews, you're going to be getting a new student at the end of the day, just a heads up.

i had forgotten all about it when the knock came at my door and i open it and see a kid who was in my class until halloween-time (who moved out of our limits and so went to a different school)! i was so excited!

apparently the other school was bad and he wanted to come back.

i can't imagine how much worse it gets.

laughing

sometimes i laugh in (either) uncomfortable situations or actually dangerous situations. and i always laugh at an even mildly funny situation.

sometimes a fight in my classroom fits all these categories.

and so, sometimes, i laugh (i know. it's bad). it's really more of a stifled chuckle. but still.

so yesterday after a fight, i was throwing one kid out of the class and my precious very special-ed girl who calls me matthew was laughing. i told her that it's not funny and she laughed and pointed at me and said (loudly in her very special voice) "matttttthew you were laughin' too! i saw you! you can't trick me! i saw you laughin'! don't tell me not to laugh! you laughed too!" (and she went on and on, but you get the gist).

i need to watch the laughing.

institutionalized

after school on tuesdays, two of my brighest kids stay for math work.

we never get much work done, but it's such good bonding time.

this week, i heard their stories about how they've both been committed to hospitals, or forced to live in residential facilities.

they were between the ages of 7 and 10. the girl talked about how they had to chain her to the bed because she was so wild.

they swapped stories for about 20 minutes - about the people there, the doctors, what it was like in (literally) "these rooms with nothing but a bed. ms. matthews it was like the movies where they put the crazy people except i was the crazy people." - i just sat and listened - in utter disbelief.

refuge

the kids come in my room sometimes during my prep period, while they're supposed to be at another class.

my instinct is to kick them out and make them go back to class and to be sort of mean about it.

but then i stop and listen to why they're coming in.

without a doubt, 99.9% of the time it is because "they're pickin' on me in there" or "they're actin' crazy in there"

it is precious to me to know that they feel safe in my classroom (or at least they do when the whole class isn't in there and it's just me).

the most frightening moment yet

was yesterday. we have been talking about biomes. on tuesday we learned about the desert. on wednesday, we started science, i passed out our materials, then i shut my eyes.

i told them i was an alien, have never been to earth or seen the sun. i described my planet and asked them about this thing i hear about called the desert.

they did a remarkable job of explaining it to me, but it was soooo scary to have my eyes shut. seriously like, they could be coming at me and i'd have no idea scary.

trailer trash (again)

it's been a while since i've been called "a *@*&$ white piece of trailer trash."

i still think it's a remarkable piece of cultural awareness that i rarely see from my class.

this time, though, i looked at the kid and said, "what would you do if i said i grew up in a trailer? i didn't, but what if i did?"

the kid looked at me and cursed some more, but i think he thought about it, just a little.

assembly

we had an assembly today.

it was a pep rally for the PSSAs.

of all bizarre experiences, this tops so many of them.

so we have this random beautiful old auditorium that never gets used. today it was all decorated in black and gold (apparently our school colors, which i was supposed to wear today. oops. my brown sweater caught some flack). then we go in there and they're handing out those little streamer/pompoms on a stick. then i look over and see a dj (who happens to be one of our long term subs).

then the asst. principal gets on stage and is the mc. and some students come out and start ... rapping. then a few more come out and breakdance. then the front of the auditorium turned into a dance floor. then the dancing spills on to the stage.

but all the while, all the words people are rapping and singing are ... about the PSSAs (state tests).

it was so bizarre.

oh, and my kids called me out on "bustin' moves" (i may or may not have danced through one of the aisles on my way to reprimand an unsuspecting student for hitting another kid with the pompoms).

like i said, very bizarre.

fights this morning

abounded.

between kids in my class. i hate it when this happens, because inevitably, they all get thrown back in the room and i have to deal with the simmering anger. ugh.

happy birthday to his face

it was a student's birthday today.

unfortunately, he has told me a bunch of times this year that "today's my birthday."

so when i found out at like 2:30 (when i looked in his file) that february 9 is, in fact, his date of birth, i felt terrible.

i told him the story of the boy who cries wolf and gave him some reese's cups.

the window

one of my kids has taken a liking to trying to climb through the small, broken window that is above my classroom door. when i won't let him in before school starts (when he has snuck into the building), he'll try to climb through. then i will open the door so he falls. is that bad?

moms

one kid told me he was going to see his mom on valentine's day. i asked where she lives. he said no where. then i remembered that his mom's in jail. oops.

then i asked another kid when he saw his mom last (lives with an older step-sister - has been acting up lately so i thought maybe something to do w/ his mom). he said a few weeks. so i asked him more questions. his answers include the following: i don't remember what she looks like, things she likes to do ... lay around all day, at her house we don't play games, she has a couple books, but not many, he doesn't know how old his brothers who live there are ...

sad.

being mean

two of my kids told me on tuesday i needed to be meaner and yell more.

today i laid into a kid for locking me out of the classroom.

then i got a thumbs-up from those two for my 'performance.'

24

this weekend, one of my students caught a few episodes from season 1 on upn or something.

he was asking me all these questions about it - and was saying how much he likes david palmer and how he doesn't like his wife. right on, bro.

i didn't have the heart to tell him that palmer's dead.

the G

one of my kids came into school at like 9:45 today.

after school i found out why he was late.

he fell asleep on the bus and woke up in south philly. haaahahahahahaha.

the G is the bus line that comes near here (which i didn't know until today - i thought the G was some slang term), which he got back on the other direction and got here almost 2 hours late.

sooo funny. funny enough that the girl staying after school with us spit out a mouthful of juice as he was telling the story (and then fell on the ground laughing, but it wasn't quite that funny).

the stars

we're having a conversation about climate and weather, and they started asking questions about the sun. i told them how the sun's a star, but it's really close, ya di ya di ya ...

of course, this prompted a ZILLION questions - what will happen if the sun stops shining? are there other earths and suns? does it rain on the sun? ... and ...

"if we flew up to the stars in a rocket ship, could we bring them back with us?"

(this from precious little dracula boy)

and then, "but could we tie a string to them and bring them down?"

my groove with the Lord

today two kids stayed after school to learn more math. i bought oreos and juice and we had a regular ol' party.

when i drove them home, i had my shawn mcdonald cd in. they always (usually) like listening to my music, i think because they're curious, and because i'll sing along and they think i should be on american idol. FUNNY.

track 1 on "simply nothing" lyrics: take my hand to the promised land, and on you oh God i want to stand cause i cannot do it on my own, you're what i need and i need to be right by your side cause i cannot hide Lord i know that i need you."

boy student LOVED the song - he's a believer and super cool. asked what cd it was, etc. etc.

girl student wanted to listen to R&B and was whining like crazy.

finally he said, mm mm, you're messin' up my groove with the Lord. but that's okay. ms. matthews you can switch it for her.

sigh

today was good. like, tears almost in my eyes, can't believe this is happening, thank you God, good.

we got so much done! and stuff that we never get to do - like have conversations about what we're learning.

we learned what valuable means and discussed why things like the earth and people are valuable - because we can't be replaced.

we learned what monotonous means (which meant i spoke as such for about 5 or so minutes until they started whining, ms. matthews we can't take it any more!!!)

and so much more. :D yay!

praise Jesus

today was the first day since winter break that was reasonably decent.

i'm not sure if it was the kids or me. probably a little bit of both.

things are on the up swing :)

smiles

i have a kid who consistently makes me smile. he is just great. he jokes around with me, is respectful, doesn't curse (at all), and put letter stickers on his desk (which i started to reprimand him for, until i saw what it said ...) and he had spelled "god and jesus."

he's always asking me to sing disney songs with him.

but today, he told everyone that i stopped by the after school program where he goes on monday (i had, to talk to another parent). he says, with funny hand gestures and a huge grin, ms. matthews, it's just plain awkward, like, you know, to see you outside school. it's just weird.

he also told me today that he keeps meaning to watch 24 but he always (as in the last 2 weeks) remembers tuesday morning that he forgot to watch it. he did, however, ask me on tuesday how the episode was last night.

and he watches american idol and has hilarious comments - he thought rhonetta could sing great. whoah boy. he says when he's 16, he's going to audition for it. go for it, man.

american idol

anyone watch tonight's episode?

do you recall rhonetta? (big attitude woman at the end)

she, aside from the outfit (thank God, seriously), reminded me of one of my student's mother.

yup.

the days

are not really getting better. i'm getting better at handling the bad days, i think.

today 2 of my students greeted me with these words (and some profanities mixed in there ...):

"you *%#@* old lady i'm gonna get you fired."

"you'll be sorry you ever came to this school."

"i'm gonna make your *@^# day miserable."

good morning sunshines.

calculus

last week my 2 brightest kids begged me to do some 12th grade math.

hmm. what calculus concepts would they understand??

so we learned limits. not technically, but how to draw the long S symbol with the numbers on top and bottom and the equation to the side and then plug in all the numbers and add up the answers ...

i don't even think that's really how you do them, but they felt SUPER smart.

they're staying after school tomorrow to learn more math. i think we'll do something a little bit more basic.

driving?!

i asked my little shrimp of a kid today how his weekend was. he smiled this bright ol' grin and said good. this is a rare response from him, so i pressed him ... what was good? what'd you do??!

"i went drivin'" (still with the grin) (he is a reaaalllly small kid. like comes up to *my* waist)

you what??!

went drivin'.

in a car??!

in my 4 wheeler.

is that legal?

shootings

1. last thursday or friday at 38th and sansom, near "the sev," more often known as 7-11 ... practically on penn's campus, right where i lived senior year ... over a fur coat. crazy.

2. last saturday at the rec center where my kids go to afterschool programs ... a teen dance was there sat. night and a guy came in with a gun. 2 people in critical condition. my kids tell me there are bullet holes all over the walls and they won't let anyone in there.

3. last week in my classroom - but that was with a stapler, not a gun. whew.

sad stories

today after school i stopped by an afterschool program to talk to a kid's parent/guardian (actually his aunt) - and found out that he found out this weekend that his 15-year-old sister, who had been missing for over a week (who was on the news ... who knew this was my student's sister?!), got shot in the eye with a bebe gun. his sister has been living with his biological mother who is a drug addict (he was born addicted to crack cocaine). my student was all out of sorts today, but now i know why ...

he wants his aunt/mom to have custody of her too ... she said she had to sit him down and tell him that she can't take his sister too. She said he's really upset about it and taking it hard because he's afraid for his sister.

Can you imagine going through that at 11 years old?

last week

was all in all, totally terrible. not too many redeeming things about it.

i left school on friday barely holding back buckets of tears that flowed for the next hour.

i have no desire to really recount anything, but please pray that things improve. i'm not sure i can handle it much longer ...!

nap

i just woke up from a 5 hour nap - as in, i got home from school, fell asleep on the couch, and woke up at 9 pm. my goodness.

today was the second time a kid destroyed my bookshelf (those wire ones. this thing has got to go. it's sitting there just asking to be thrown across the room). there were 10 kids present today, only about 6 in the room at any given time. total and utter chaos.

but on the bright side, our new little turn-card-behavior system is working (aside from one kid tearing up his cards ...) - the most rowdy, loudest, silliest kid was in his seat most of the day because he didn't want his card to turn. yay :)

annnnd ...

to top it all off ... a comment from my assistant principal (who i love, to whom i was expressing some "frustrations"):

ms. matthews, but now, how many students do you have?

only 10! that's why i'm so ...

mm mm no ms. matthews. you have 10 kids with 4 personalities each. that's 40 students as far as i'm concerned. you're fine.

and

today included (... not nearly as bad b/c there were only 6 there ...)

1. phone call from the principal asking if i knew anything about a parent assaulting a tss worker.

2. phone message from said tss worker (incidentally, the one who sort of asked me out) saying that "it is time for me to move on, professionally and personally" - so monday is his last day. if the TSS WORKERS ARE QUITTING, HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME FEEL??! arggggh.

3. two different parents visiting the school to have a little "talk" with their boys.

4. stopping in to clarify some situations with the principal and having her click away at her email and not look me in the eye more than once in the whole 3 minutes i was in there.

5. proofreading a letter from the principal to the state senator and finding at least 6 errors (punctuation and spelling, mostly, although there would be more if i counted inappropriately large words).

6. proofreading a sample assignment from the *reading* curriculum coordinator and finding a couple terrible questions and the word "Except" in the middle of a sentence. just like that. capital E.

7. terrible professional development during which numbers 5 and 6 took place and a terrible, overwhelmed, disturbed sensation took over me and caused me to look for mistakes other people were making. ack.

in fact

yesterday (thursday) was far worse than wednesday.

i have talked to the principal more in the last two days than i have total since the day she hired me.

thursday's drama(s) included two teeth, a backpack and a broken (like shattered, books all over the floor) bookcase, three suspensions, three thrown trash cans, one boy's private parts and one girl's accusations, a few rough parent phone calls, a few tears (not in front of them), and one question: "ms. matthews, i know you're frustrated but i don't get number 6."

i expected

that today would be bad, but i didn't expect to want to quit.

today made me want to quit.

i won't, but one of the kids asked me today if i got hurt really badly, if i would quit. i said no, but they probably wouldn't let me come back, AND one of you would be in jail. so let's make sure that doesn't happen.

welcome back!

so today, we didn't go to school. that is, we didn't go to *our* school. something happened with the power in the building and instead of cancelling school (which is actually nice b/c we would've had a makeup day ...), we split up - i went with the 5th and 6th graders to a nearby school/ prison (not literally, but from the building, you'd think so) and hung out in the auditorium all day. we were supposed to watch movies, but hercules was the only one we made it through. the kids were sort of well behaved (until the end and i had to chase my kids onto the buses in order to get them onto the correct ones ...) and it, like so many things in life, was one of those things that now i am shaking my head going, did that just happen?

whoops again

no news doesn't necessarily mean good news ... the week before christmas i had a kid bring in little pellets of tobacco (stuffed in rubber shells), i had a super awkward interaction with a tss worker (which involved him calling me one night "just to see how my trip to the bookstore was and to talk" ... ACK!), one kid told me that jewish people were going to be waiting a long time for the messiah (we talked about hannukah and judaism on monday) "because Jesus already been come," me feeling rather sick for about half the week, and of course, the field trip downtown. actually, the kids were well behaved except for at one point when one girl got totally overstimulated and literally froze up for about 45 minutes - couldn't move (she was a dead weight), talk, move her eyes, blink ... nothing. it was sort of scary and mostly just weird. and we had 'christmas' on friday in our classroom, which revealed the kids at their most preciousness. my family had sent stockings and little wrapped gifts and big boxes of school supplies, which my class was obviously ELATED to get. realllly cute. and a couple of my boys have crushes on my sister elizabeth now. wow.

so then, the long awaited and much needed break (and the long drive home. thank you traffic on I-76).