God

a student said to me yesterday, "matthew how come you didn't teach me about this, about God??" - as i look down and see that she's reading a book called wonderful world which i apparently never looked through enough to see that it's about creation (ie genesis). oops. but very cute. and cute that she read it enough to understand that it was about God.

sort-of new student

at the end of last week an asst. principal came in and said, ms. matthews, you're going to be getting a new student at the end of the day, just a heads up.

i had forgotten all about it when the knock came at my door and i open it and see a kid who was in my class until halloween-time (who moved out of our limits and so went to a different school)! i was so excited!

apparently the other school was bad and he wanted to come back.

i can't imagine how much worse it gets.

laughing

sometimes i laugh in (either) uncomfortable situations or actually dangerous situations. and i always laugh at an even mildly funny situation.

sometimes a fight in my classroom fits all these categories.

and so, sometimes, i laugh (i know. it's bad). it's really more of a stifled chuckle. but still.

so yesterday after a fight, i was throwing one kid out of the class and my precious very special-ed girl who calls me matthew was laughing. i told her that it's not funny and she laughed and pointed at me and said (loudly in her very special voice) "matttttthew you were laughin' too! i saw you! you can't trick me! i saw you laughin'! don't tell me not to laugh! you laughed too!" (and she went on and on, but you get the gist).

i need to watch the laughing.

institutionalized

after school on tuesdays, two of my brighest kids stay for math work.

we never get much work done, but it's such good bonding time.

this week, i heard their stories about how they've both been committed to hospitals, or forced to live in residential facilities.

they were between the ages of 7 and 10. the girl talked about how they had to chain her to the bed because she was so wild.

they swapped stories for about 20 minutes - about the people there, the doctors, what it was like in (literally) "these rooms with nothing but a bed. ms. matthews it was like the movies where they put the crazy people except i was the crazy people." - i just sat and listened - in utter disbelief.

refuge

the kids come in my room sometimes during my prep period, while they're supposed to be at another class.

my instinct is to kick them out and make them go back to class and to be sort of mean about it.

but then i stop and listen to why they're coming in.

without a doubt, 99.9% of the time it is because "they're pickin' on me in there" or "they're actin' crazy in there"

it is precious to me to know that they feel safe in my classroom (or at least they do when the whole class isn't in there and it's just me).

the most frightening moment yet

was yesterday. we have been talking about biomes. on tuesday we learned about the desert. on wednesday, we started science, i passed out our materials, then i shut my eyes.

i told them i was an alien, have never been to earth or seen the sun. i described my planet and asked them about this thing i hear about called the desert.

they did a remarkable job of explaining it to me, but it was soooo scary to have my eyes shut. seriously like, they could be coming at me and i'd have no idea scary.

trailer trash (again)

it's been a while since i've been called "a *@*&$ white piece of trailer trash."

i still think it's a remarkable piece of cultural awareness that i rarely see from my class.

this time, though, i looked at the kid and said, "what would you do if i said i grew up in a trailer? i didn't, but what if i did?"

the kid looked at me and cursed some more, but i think he thought about it, just a little.

assembly

we had an assembly today.

it was a pep rally for the PSSAs.

of all bizarre experiences, this tops so many of them.

so we have this random beautiful old auditorium that never gets used. today it was all decorated in black and gold (apparently our school colors, which i was supposed to wear today. oops. my brown sweater caught some flack). then we go in there and they're handing out those little streamer/pompoms on a stick. then i look over and see a dj (who happens to be one of our long term subs).

then the asst. principal gets on stage and is the mc. and some students come out and start ... rapping. then a few more come out and breakdance. then the front of the auditorium turned into a dance floor. then the dancing spills on to the stage.

but all the while, all the words people are rapping and singing are ... about the PSSAs (state tests).

it was so bizarre.

oh, and my kids called me out on "bustin' moves" (i may or may not have danced through one of the aisles on my way to reprimand an unsuspecting student for hitting another kid with the pompoms).

like i said, very bizarre.

fights this morning

abounded.

between kids in my class. i hate it when this happens, because inevitably, they all get thrown back in the room and i have to deal with the simmering anger. ugh.

happy birthday to his face

it was a student's birthday today.

unfortunately, he has told me a bunch of times this year that "today's my birthday."

so when i found out at like 2:30 (when i looked in his file) that february 9 is, in fact, his date of birth, i felt terrible.

i told him the story of the boy who cries wolf and gave him some reese's cups.

the window

one of my kids has taken a liking to trying to climb through the small, broken window that is above my classroom door. when i won't let him in before school starts (when he has snuck into the building), he'll try to climb through. then i will open the door so he falls. is that bad?

moms

one kid told me he was going to see his mom on valentine's day. i asked where she lives. he said no where. then i remembered that his mom's in jail. oops.

then i asked another kid when he saw his mom last (lives with an older step-sister - has been acting up lately so i thought maybe something to do w/ his mom). he said a few weeks. so i asked him more questions. his answers include the following: i don't remember what she looks like, things she likes to do ... lay around all day, at her house we don't play games, she has a couple books, but not many, he doesn't know how old his brothers who live there are ...

sad.

being mean

two of my kids told me on tuesday i needed to be meaner and yell more.

today i laid into a kid for locking me out of the classroom.

then i got a thumbs-up from those two for my 'performance.'