sigh

today was good. like, tears almost in my eyes, can't believe this is happening, thank you God, good.

we got so much done! and stuff that we never get to do - like have conversations about what we're learning.

we learned what valuable means and discussed why things like the earth and people are valuable - because we can't be replaced.

we learned what monotonous means (which meant i spoke as such for about 5 or so minutes until they started whining, ms. matthews we can't take it any more!!!)

and so much more. :D yay!

praise Jesus

today was the first day since winter break that was reasonably decent.

i'm not sure if it was the kids or me. probably a little bit of both.

things are on the up swing :)

smiles

i have a kid who consistently makes me smile. he is just great. he jokes around with me, is respectful, doesn't curse (at all), and put letter stickers on his desk (which i started to reprimand him for, until i saw what it said ...) and he had spelled "god and jesus."

he's always asking me to sing disney songs with him.

but today, he told everyone that i stopped by the after school program where he goes on monday (i had, to talk to another parent). he says, with funny hand gestures and a huge grin, ms. matthews, it's just plain awkward, like, you know, to see you outside school. it's just weird.

he also told me today that he keeps meaning to watch 24 but he always (as in the last 2 weeks) remembers tuesday morning that he forgot to watch it. he did, however, ask me on tuesday how the episode was last night.

and he watches american idol and has hilarious comments - he thought rhonetta could sing great. whoah boy. he says when he's 16, he's going to audition for it. go for it, man.

american idol

anyone watch tonight's episode?

do you recall rhonetta? (big attitude woman at the end)

she, aside from the outfit (thank God, seriously), reminded me of one of my student's mother.

yup.

the days

are not really getting better. i'm getting better at handling the bad days, i think.

today 2 of my students greeted me with these words (and some profanities mixed in there ...):

"you *%#@* old lady i'm gonna get you fired."

"you'll be sorry you ever came to this school."

"i'm gonna make your *@^# day miserable."

good morning sunshines.

calculus

last week my 2 brightest kids begged me to do some 12th grade math.

hmm. what calculus concepts would they understand??

so we learned limits. not technically, but how to draw the long S symbol with the numbers on top and bottom and the equation to the side and then plug in all the numbers and add up the answers ...

i don't even think that's really how you do them, but they felt SUPER smart.

they're staying after school tomorrow to learn more math. i think we'll do something a little bit more basic.

driving?!

i asked my little shrimp of a kid today how his weekend was. he smiled this bright ol' grin and said good. this is a rare response from him, so i pressed him ... what was good? what'd you do??!

"i went drivin'" (still with the grin) (he is a reaaalllly small kid. like comes up to *my* waist)

you what??!

went drivin'.

in a car??!

in my 4 wheeler.

is that legal?

shootings

1. last thursday or friday at 38th and sansom, near "the sev," more often known as 7-11 ... practically on penn's campus, right where i lived senior year ... over a fur coat. crazy.

2. last saturday at the rec center where my kids go to afterschool programs ... a teen dance was there sat. night and a guy came in with a gun. 2 people in critical condition. my kids tell me there are bullet holes all over the walls and they won't let anyone in there.

3. last week in my classroom - but that was with a stapler, not a gun. whew.

sad stories

today after school i stopped by an afterschool program to talk to a kid's parent/guardian (actually his aunt) - and found out that he found out this weekend that his 15-year-old sister, who had been missing for over a week (who was on the news ... who knew this was my student's sister?!), got shot in the eye with a bebe gun. his sister has been living with his biological mother who is a drug addict (he was born addicted to crack cocaine). my student was all out of sorts today, but now i know why ...

he wants his aunt/mom to have custody of her too ... she said she had to sit him down and tell him that she can't take his sister too. She said he's really upset about it and taking it hard because he's afraid for his sister.

Can you imagine going through that at 11 years old?

last week

was all in all, totally terrible. not too many redeeming things about it.

i left school on friday barely holding back buckets of tears that flowed for the next hour.

i have no desire to really recount anything, but please pray that things improve. i'm not sure i can handle it much longer ...!

nap

i just woke up from a 5 hour nap - as in, i got home from school, fell asleep on the couch, and woke up at 9 pm. my goodness.

today was the second time a kid destroyed my bookshelf (those wire ones. this thing has got to go. it's sitting there just asking to be thrown across the room). there were 10 kids present today, only about 6 in the room at any given time. total and utter chaos.

but on the bright side, our new little turn-card-behavior system is working (aside from one kid tearing up his cards ...) - the most rowdy, loudest, silliest kid was in his seat most of the day because he didn't want his card to turn. yay :)

annnnd ...

to top it all off ... a comment from my assistant principal (who i love, to whom i was expressing some "frustrations"):

ms. matthews, but now, how many students do you have?

only 10! that's why i'm so ...

mm mm no ms. matthews. you have 10 kids with 4 personalities each. that's 40 students as far as i'm concerned. you're fine.

and

today included (... not nearly as bad b/c there were only 6 there ...)

1. phone call from the principal asking if i knew anything about a parent assaulting a tss worker.

2. phone message from said tss worker (incidentally, the one who sort of asked me out) saying that "it is time for me to move on, professionally and personally" - so monday is his last day. if the TSS WORKERS ARE QUITTING, HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME FEEL??! arggggh.

3. two different parents visiting the school to have a little "talk" with their boys.

4. stopping in to clarify some situations with the principal and having her click away at her email and not look me in the eye more than once in the whole 3 minutes i was in there.

5. proofreading a letter from the principal to the state senator and finding at least 6 errors (punctuation and spelling, mostly, although there would be more if i counted inappropriately large words).

6. proofreading a sample assignment from the *reading* curriculum coordinator and finding a couple terrible questions and the word "Except" in the middle of a sentence. just like that. capital E.

7. terrible professional development during which numbers 5 and 6 took place and a terrible, overwhelmed, disturbed sensation took over me and caused me to look for mistakes other people were making. ack.

in fact

yesterday (thursday) was far worse than wednesday.

i have talked to the principal more in the last two days than i have total since the day she hired me.

thursday's drama(s) included two teeth, a backpack and a broken (like shattered, books all over the floor) bookcase, three suspensions, three thrown trash cans, one boy's private parts and one girl's accusations, a few rough parent phone calls, a few tears (not in front of them), and one question: "ms. matthews, i know you're frustrated but i don't get number 6."

i expected

that today would be bad, but i didn't expect to want to quit.

today made me want to quit.

i won't, but one of the kids asked me today if i got hurt really badly, if i would quit. i said no, but they probably wouldn't let me come back, AND one of you would be in jail. so let's make sure that doesn't happen.

welcome back!

so today, we didn't go to school. that is, we didn't go to *our* school. something happened with the power in the building and instead of cancelling school (which is actually nice b/c we would've had a makeup day ...), we split up - i went with the 5th and 6th graders to a nearby school/ prison (not literally, but from the building, you'd think so) and hung out in the auditorium all day. we were supposed to watch movies, but hercules was the only one we made it through. the kids were sort of well behaved (until the end and i had to chase my kids onto the buses in order to get them onto the correct ones ...) and it, like so many things in life, was one of those things that now i am shaking my head going, did that just happen?

whoops again

no news doesn't necessarily mean good news ... the week before christmas i had a kid bring in little pellets of tobacco (stuffed in rubber shells), i had a super awkward interaction with a tss worker (which involved him calling me one night "just to see how my trip to the bookstore was and to talk" ... ACK!), one kid told me that jewish people were going to be waiting a long time for the messiah (we talked about hannukah and judaism on monday) "because Jesus already been come," me feeling rather sick for about half the week, and of course, the field trip downtown. actually, the kids were well behaved except for at one point when one girl got totally overstimulated and literally froze up for about 45 minutes - couldn't move (she was a dead weight), talk, move her eyes, blink ... nothing. it was sort of scary and mostly just weird. and we had 'christmas' on friday in our classroom, which revealed the kids at their most preciousness. my family had sent stockings and little wrapped gifts and big boxes of school supplies, which my class was obviously ELATED to get. realllly cute. and a couple of my boys have crushes on my sister elizabeth now. wow.

so then, the long awaited and much needed break (and the long drive home. thank you traffic on I-76).

whoops

haven't posted anything at all this week, due, of course, to insane-busy-ness, not the lack of events to share.

in fact, today there were a few particularly notable events. oh my goodness. keep checking. i'll update once i'm home for christmas (STILL in philly until tomorrow afternoon. my goodness.).

from my student who ...

has been abandoned (literally, like alone for weeks) by his father twice, lives with a random family member, has been taken by dhs, and who was potty-trained a year and a half ago ...

I like to be with my family for Christmas because it is fun and we get to hang up decorations. I like to ate food with my family put up the tree and open gifts sing Christmas songs and put of lights I love my family so much and they are my best family in the whole woild world.

christmas poem

C andy canes are red and white, they make you want to shine the night
H appy Christmas I can't wait to get to my presents so I can play with my toys and make some noise
R ed and green are my favorite colors but sometimes I will show my mother
I like the Christmas bells they sing songs and make me want to go home
S ongs and stockings come for me in the Christmas tree
T ree is white or green but sometimes they show up for the spring
M erry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Merry Christmas
A ngels don't have brains that's not a shame
S anta Claus sent me some Halls